Today i am feeling confused and my confusion is about my future journey

Today i am feeling confused and my confusion is about my future journey.I am just thinking either i would pass my exams or not.What would be happened? If i fail my exam again,no no this time not,i gave my best,i can’t fail this time.Different thoughts are running in my mind.
I remember the day the when i last time failed my exams,how much i cried,i remember all those bad nights,but i also remember that failure was a blessing,how much i have been changed.
Life is full with surprises.I did hard work with patience and determination now waiting for result.
But this is my secret journey.No one in my family friends and relatives can imagine even that i
was appeared in B.a exams.

I am feeling sad today,i am so alone and weaken today,i haven’t a single best friend,nobody understand me fully.My soul is broken and shattered,I have tired of rejections.
Whenever i tried to take my own life because of severe depression,two things kept me alive.
Writing and reading,i love reading books.My love for books is unfathomable.I have read 50+ books this year and want to read more.I also want to become a best writer,the only reason i am taking breath today is my love for reading and writing.I want to write badly,i want to put my thoughts on paper so i could control my mind i want to write all the day,every second every minute every day every month even for centuries.I want to write about all the things i didn’t mention with anyone.i want to write about my fears,i want to write about my dreams,i want to write about my secret journey i want to write about my pain.But all i want is writing.